Happy without a plan

May something good happen to you today that you didn’t plan. That’s what I saw written on a sign in front of a building as my daughter, grand-daughter and I walked along Bank Street in Ottawa a few days ago.  It was one of those ‘ah ha’ moments for me.  Something about that sign kept drawing me back and so we drove by it again today as we were heading for the airport for my flight back to Ottawa.  It wasn’t the wish for something good to happen today; that kind of sentiment is generic and pretty much always there.  It was the ‘that the you didn’t plan’ part that really caught my eye … and my heart.

Speaking out … is that what retirement’s for?

George Orwell said that “If  large numbers of people are interested in freedom of speech there will be freedom of speech even if the law forbids it.  If public opinion is sluggish, inconvenient minorities will be persecuted even if laws exist to protect them.”

Since I read this a few days ago it has been swirling around and around in my mind.  The events that followed the recent election (to use the term loosely) in Iran is evidence of the first part; even with arrests and punishment people found a way to exercise freedom of speech.  In the face of torture.  In the face of death.  As President Obama said  “…Their [Iranian protesters] bravery in the face of brutality is a testament to their enduring pursuit of justice,…The violence perpetrated against them [Iranian protesters] is outrageous. In spite of the government’s efforts to keep the world from bearing witness to that violence, we see it and we condemn it.”

And then there’s the second part of what Orwell said.  How is it possible that within a democracy so little is being said about the rights of all to have access to health care?  How is it that there isn’t a larger outcry from the very same people who rallied to elect Obama to start with?  Why is there so little public campaigning for universal health care?  Where is the concerted, organized, rational response to the lies (thank you again to Sarah Palin for introducing death panels as a real entity) and deception that’s being perpetrated by what I will call “the right” for lack of a better way of describing this out-of-control mob?  Just a few weeks ago we witnessed what I’ve heard referred to as the Million Moron March on Washington; as these photos (as police records suggest) it wasn’t a million morons after all, perhaps fewer than 70,000.  That’s comforting to me because at least it suggests that there are fewer people being duped and misled into hatemongering than I worry about.

So, what are we all doing about this?

Slipping through my fingers

As the summer moves into the fall I am trying to get in as much kayaking as I can before I have to wrap up my boat for another winter.  Last weekend I managed to get out onto the river twice; it was hot and sunny and both times my spirits soared as I paddled along.  Beautiful white swans often escorted me and flocks of Canada Geese flew by, perhaps practicing for their soon-to-take-place journey south.  Kayaking for me is a form of meditation; I leave the outside world behind as I become one with the river (really, truly, that’s what it feels like) and often I listen to music to add another element to my joy.  It doesn’t happen all of the time, but often – as I paddle along – I gain a sense of clarity and awareness that I haven’t had before.  This happened over the weekend.  Let me share it with you.

Disguises and latent Impostor Syndrome

September 10th was a 9th wedding anniversary for David and me.  We’ve had a lot of transitions to make in those nine years; a lot of joy, a lot of excitement, miles – in both length and depth – of journeying together, challenging challenges – my transition from career woman to retiree included – and a lot of love.  Interestingly we each gave the other an anniversary card with a similar message … that every day we fall in love all over again and that we’d marry each other again.  Knowing he’s on this journey with me is a real gift; my kudos – and gratitude – to him … and anyone else who can support someone in this journey into understanding what this new part of life – retirement – is all about.  I wonder what it’s like to live with someone who’s doing one of those life-cycle, ground-shifting sort of dances?  Not easy I’m sure.  Thank you David.

NOW, to the original Thursday morning posting:

I was watching Criminal Minds with David the other night (a favorite show we share) and I heard these words:

ON THE FLIGHT OUT (if you watch Criminal Minds you’ll know what I mean, otherwise just see these as two quotes in the show):  “The French philosopher Voltaire wrote ‘there are some who only employ words for the purpose of disguising their thoughts’.”

ON THE HOMEWARD-BOUND FLIGHT:  “The author, Francois  Foucault wrote  ‘We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves’.”

These words were kind of jangling and set my mind racing.  They’ve been sort of haunting me now for several days.  I worry that through my words here I am disguising myself … maybe even from myself.  It’s another spin on words that I’d heard from the women I interviewed years ago when I did my doctorate.  They’d all talked about their take on the Impostor Syndrome which leads many of us to continually question ourselves about whether or not we really have earned what we’ve achieved and whether or not we’ve been misleading others into believing we’re smarter and/or more competent than we really are.

Then I read Bettina’s comment on my Labour Day post, suggesting that she thought I was “finding that comfort center” in (my) retirement if there is such a thing” and I knew I had to pause and think and write.  So I’ve just spent time – for the first time in a very long time – rippling through the pages of my dissertation (Solomon, Sylvia R. (1989).  Women of Eminence:  The Underrepresentation of Women at High Levels of Achievement.  University of Toronto) and what a nourishing journey through old words it was.  Let me share it with you here.

Don’t miss the beauty around you

I’ve never used a posting to just pass along something before, but I got this email recently and I thought it was so amazing I’d post it here.  After all, it says just what I’ve been trying to pursue in retirement; an awareness that there’s a world around us that we need to pay attention to.  I hope that you’ll enjoy it as much as I did … and do feel free to pass it along to others.  Here’s the story.  Keep it mind as you read it that the children understood … as they usually do.

Catastrophes and communities of care

I’m sitting here in the Red Cross office in Toronto ready to respond to phone calls from people offering help to the families affected by last Thursday’s tornado.  What few people know is that Ontario gets almost 50% as many tornadoes every year as does “tornado alley” in the US.  Thing is, most of these hit in rural areas and there’s little damage done.  On Thursday though an F2 (150+ miles per hour winds) tornado passed right through Toronto, causing some damage in the city and lots of damage in a couple of suburbs just north of the city.  One 11 year old boy, Owen MacPherson, died after seeking shelter in a conservation area along with some other children who were with him at a nature day camp.  The tornado picked up the park’s gatehouse and flung it into the picnic shelter where Owen was hit.  2,500 people were evacuated, and over 600 homes were affected; roofs torn off, cars tossed like confetti, trees and telephone poles careening through the air.  All of this happening only a few miles from where I sat in comfort enjoying a good meal with friends.  So why do I have time, sitting here, to be writing?  Well, let me tell you a little about the storm and a little about what’s happened here since.  There’s lots to be learned for all of us I think.

First Red Cross Emergency Call leads to critical thought

My first Red Cross emergency call!  After all of these months of being on call but not actually called,  one ring of the phone and everything changed.   A few weeks ago we had a bit of a heat wave in Toronto –  temperatures well above 30 degrees celsius (mid 90s for those of you still measuring in fahrenheit) with a lot of humidity.  In these conditions the city will issue a heat alert which is primarily intended to protect seniors, children and others at high risk for heat-related illness.  People are told to avoid exertion, stay home if possible, and, if necessary, centres with air conditioning are set up for folks who have no other place to stay cool.  With that one phone call I launched into action to do my part.

“You’re not working” and other words I don’t want to hear

I can’t count the number of times each week that the words “you’re not working” work their way into sentences.  Makes me want to tear my hair out!  Happened just this morning when David and I were talking about our grandchildren and my desire to be able to help my daughter more with her kids.  She lives in Ottawa, though, which is 5 hours drive away.  I’d just said that if she lived in Toronto I could be much more available to them as back-up and he said: “Yes, you’re not working ….” and then I didn’t really hear the rest of the sentence.  Not working?  Give me a break!

The Fixer … my way

A few days ago I was driving across St. Clair and I saw this sign in a dentist’s office window:  “Give your bridal party the gift of white teeth.”  Holy crap!  How do you call up your friend and ask her/him to be a part of your wedding and then add that you’d like their teeth cleaned?  What happened to giving them a butter dish engraved with your name and the date of the marriage?  I pulled away laughing and wondering why the world is so intent on finding ways to make everything need fixing.  Fix your teeth (get braces, have your smile adjusted, whiten up).  Fix your nose (so no signs of ethnicity are left to give you away).  Fix your breasts (make them bigger, make them smaller).    Will we never learn that everything doesn’t have to be “new and improved”?  It could just be … couldn’t it?

Driving a little farther I continued to dwell on the notion of fixing things.  Ah – fixing.  That’s something I know a lot about.  It’s also something I need to reframe in my life I think.  Let me explain.

Thinking about thinking – a metacognitive moment

Thinking.  That’s something that we generally see as a good thing.  “I’ll have to think about that” is a respected way of responding to a new idea or a new situation.  Used to be that my thinking was directed in a number of ways; I’d think about things related to education and my work, I’d think about things related to how we live on the earth, I’d think about the dynamics among people struggling to find their way.  Of course, added to that is the time spent in thinking about life and what I need – and what my friends and family need … not necessarily in that order – to feel good about each day.  I’ve often been accused of over-thinking (I don’t think I’ll even pause to figure out what that could possibly mean) and I will admit that it’s pretty true that I have a high need to figure things out;  to delve into the whys and the whats of human interactions and his/herstories.  Yes, indeed, although it doesn’t always make me happy I do like to think.